1st washing machine: 
"OFFICe PIZZA PARTY. ONe OF THe LOweST POINTS IN MY eNTIRe LIFe. I STOOD THeRe, SOLO CUP FULL OF DIeT PePSI IN ONe HAND, PePPeRONI SLICe IN THe OTHeR, ReADY TO MAKe MY MOVe ON JeSSICA. SHe SAUNTeReD INTO THe OFFICe KITCHeN wITH THAT SIGNATURe LIMP THAT I’Ve GROwN SO FOND OF, AND HeR GLASS eYe ReFLeCTING THe OFFICe FLUOReSCeNT LIGHTING DIReCTLY INTO MY PUPILS. I wAS BLINDeD.. wITH LOVe! AFTeR A DeeP BReATH, I TOOK MY FIRST - AND FINAL - STeP TOwARDS HeR. I KNew SOMeTHING wAS wRONG IMMeDIATeLY, BUT HAD NO TIMe TO ReACT, MY FOOT wAS CAUGHT ON SOMeTHING - I FeLL FORwARD LIKe A TRee, ONLY THe wHOLe wORLD wAS THeRe TO HeAR THe SOUND I MADe. I wAS COVeReD IN PIZZA AND DIeT PePSI, LYING THeRe ON THe TILeD KITCHeN FLOOR. I CAN STILL HeAR BRAD AND RICHARD LAUGHING AT Me, BUT NOTHING HAUNTS Me MORe THAN LOOKING UP TO See JeSSICA HOLDING BACK HeR LAUGHTeR AT MY MISFORTUNe. BRAD AND RICHARD wILL PAY."

2nd washing machine:
"NO ONe AT THe OFFICe HAS ANY IDeA OF wHAT IS ReALLY GOING ON HeRe. FOOLS. eVeN JeSSICA. MY BeAUTIFUL, POOR JeSSICA. AS OUR TeAM FUSSeS OVeR THe COLOR OF THe P7, UNSPeAKABLe AND INHUMANe eXPeRIMeNTS HAPPeN RIGHT UNDeR OUR NOSeS."

3rd washing machine:
"HeLL IS NOT HOT eNOUGH FOR RICHARD AND BRAD CRUM.. YeS A SeCOND CRUM. ORNO’S INSUFFeRABLe NePHew THAT IS NOw TeRRORIZING THe OFFICe AS AN INTeRN. BRAD AND RICHARD HAVe FORMeD AN UNHOLY ALLIANCe AGAINST Me, MAKING Me THe BUTT OF eVeRY JOKe IN THe OFFICe. I’M NOT SURe IF I’M MORe PARANOID ABOUT BeING PULLeD INTO A wHITe VAN BY PIPeR SeCURITY OR FINDING DOG SHIT UNDeR THe DOOR HANDLe OF MY PRIUS, COURTeSY OF BRAD AND DICK FARKIS."

4th washing machine:
"MORe LIKe ORNO SCUM"