NINE: Hello, Ten. Again.

It hasn’t actually been that long since the last letter. I dunno, I just felt like writing another one today. Sharing some more stuff with you. Or, rather, the metaphorical version of you, the one I’ve made up from past memories and assumptions of you, the one that is probably very different from the person you are now.

NINE: When I think of the possibility of seeing you again, that part scares me a bit, actually. I have no idea how your life and personality has changed since the last time I saw you. Maybe you have an undercut now. Maybe you’re super cynical now. Maybe you don’t even remember me anymore.

NINE: Whatever. There’s no use dwelling on these things.

NINE: Except that’s all I’m doing these days.

NINE: I was thinking about Oppy again.

NINE: I guess what other people expect me to think is,

NINE: “I wish I knew this is the last conversation we’re ever going to get. I wish I could say goodbye”

NINE: But in reality, I don’t think it would have changed anything.

NINE: Me and Oppy weren’t exactly best friends. Not even what you’d call good friends. She was always with Curie and Sev, and I had my big sister, of course. But we acknowledged each other, and were generally aware of what the other was capable of.

NINE: We were like two coworkers from different departments, never really crossing paths except for lunchtime or the rare office party, but always knowing the other will be there.

NINE: Except, well, she’s not there anymore.

NINE: I knew of her condition, and she knew of mine. Neither of us were sarcastic or talkative enough to tell jokes or make bets about which one of us dies first, but we both knew it was coming. It was an integral part of our lives. Wake up, have breakfast, brush your teeth, acknowledge death, go to class. The usual routine.

NINE: So it wasn’t a surprise when I heard. People expect me to feel sad about these things, but I accepted the fact quite easily.

NINE: I mean, what would I ever say, if I knew this was our last conversation? What would she say?

NINE: The metaphorical image of her in my mind was complete. So was her image of me. No words exchanged would have improved on those images even a little bit.

NINE: And yet… I can’t say I don’t miss her.

NINE: I didn’t realize this at first, but something changed within me when Oppy passed away.

NINE: Something changed within me when you left, too.

NINE: Emotions are very confusing. I don’t know if words like ‘sadness’, or ‘longing’, or ‘grief’ describe it accurately.

NINE: The best way I can put it…

NINE: It is simply the sense that something is terribly wrong.