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}VANDALIZM = Very Awesome News Direct from America’s Lamest Zine Maker{ 
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Issue 1 - April 4th, 2024

This isn't your typical magazine, hell no, fuck that shit. If you're looking for women's health tips
for your fragile little female body, here's a tip: go read another fucking magazine. You're reading
VANDALIZM, the uncensored e-zine for cunts, ya cunt. Why is it capitalized, you're probably asking
as if I could talk to you through a text file. Look at the fucking bar thing up there. It stands for 
something. And no, most of this won't even be news because that shit's boring. Now then, let's start 
this fucking crap.
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I ate some Chex Mix yesterday. Was it any good? Fuck no! That shit was stale as an African kid who
hasn't showered since his pregnant mom fucked a wet plant and the water went up her vagina. Chex Quest
was good (not that shitty remake though), why the fuck isn't this? How the fuck is it legal to market
this ass excrement as food? I wish I could return it but I made the dumbass mistake of opening and
eating from a bag clearly labeled "Chex Mix". Moral of the story: Don't buy Chex Mix.
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Here's a joke:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was attempting to kill himself because his life is meaningless!

Ahahahahahaha! Get it? Because chickens are stupid creatures! Isn't that such a funny joke?
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This wouldn't be a very good magazine without some advertisements, would it?
Here's some products you should buy:

- None
- They all suck
- Don't waste your money
- Don't bother even earning money
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How to Make a Homemade Gun:

1. Buy a gun
2. Cut it in half
3. Glue it back together

Congratulations! You now have a gun that will probably explode and fucking kill you!
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A Christmas Barrel
by me

'Twas a dark and stormy night and also Christmas. There was a house with kids in it. A cool guy went in
and shot them repeatedly. They died. The End.
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Well guys, that's all!
I would add a "folks" in there but it's trademarked. Fuck trademarks!
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If you have any ideas, requests or advice for the zine, email me at vandalizmguy@gmail.com.
If you have any complaints, kill yourself.