Stapled into Cuffs
Date: 4/6/2024
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Some employee from Staples took my phone out of my hand and started packaging it. It started when we were getting help on looking for a new printer, and I got a call from mom, but the employee snatched it out my hands, yanked the battery out, and put it in a box and said "I'm putting upgrades on this."

"Can I trust you to upgrade my phone?"

"No."

That's when I took the box from the counter and held it tight while undoing what he did, but that's when he rang the alarm and said on the intercom: "watch out for the package thief!" And no matter how many times I tried clarifying, he kept saying I was a package thief as I was leaving the building.
I saw a buncha Starbucks ladies lookin' at me and laughing and calling me the package thief and I tried moving past them but to no avail, so I rammed into them and knocked them over, making them spill their drinks (I had a backpack on that was heavy), and I ran as fast as I could (which is not that fast) and hid in some foliage. When I was away from everything I made sure to burn the box to get rid of the evidence once everything was taken out from it.

The others did jack shit to prevent this from happening and sided with the employee for god knows what reason. However, even after explaining to the cops what went down, they still cuffed me.
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Archived by Lavie
Extra notes: So let me get this straight. Someone from Staples took your phone, packaged it as if it was for someone else, but you snatched it back and now you're called a thief. Then you were at Starbucks and ruined some peoples' orders. You then burned the same box so that they wouldn't find the fingerprints and you could cover your track. And then you still ended up in handcuffs?

I mean, there's other ways you could've handled that situation, but dreams are dreams I suppose.